We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
