yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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