Your tits are I can't wait for
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
