Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
