we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
