fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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