you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
