I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
