So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
there is glitter all over my balls
we should paint friendship bongs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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