Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize