If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
