Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
