Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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