yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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