i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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