so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We need to feng shui this bitch.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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