everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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