I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
