Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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