im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
