He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
