She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
