Me too!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
