My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
