did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize