Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
