a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
