One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize