Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
