you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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