last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
