about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
