It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize