so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
