P.S. I can't hear my feet
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
