We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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