never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
