You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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