So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
