I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
