I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
