so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
