I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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