after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
