Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
