Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
