Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
