All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do vagina's smell?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
