She is in my trunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize