The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
