You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
