So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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