Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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