I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
