No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Damn victory sex feels great
You ruined the universe
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
