Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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