Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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