Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
