So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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