and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
