The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
