My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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