You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
