Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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