I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
