The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
