I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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