I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
