you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
