Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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