Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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