So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize