This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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