i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
