No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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