How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
