My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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