i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
