Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
