they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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