So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
