Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
