508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
