God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
