Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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