So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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