kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
