I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
