Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
