How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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