I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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