mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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