Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
40s are totally the cure
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize