I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
