im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
