i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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