Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
