Where did you get a picture of my penis
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
