are you still at the devil's house?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
