i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
