I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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