I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
