People in love make me want to vomit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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