Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
